Ghetto Christian

You know you are a ghetto
christian if:

You lie on an application
to get a
job and then get up an
testify that "God made a way
out of no way!"

...You get mad at a visitor
and call them out for sitting in
YOUR seat.

...You tell the preacher to
baptize you from the neck down
because you just got your hair
done!

...You take 2 hours to get
ready for
church, get there late,
and leave early!

You open your Bible and you
cough from the dust that
flies out.

...Your wedding song is
"Secret Lovers"

...You say aliens abducted
you, but the Lord set you free!

...You do not lift your hand
during
worship because your
acrylic nail is broken!

The only time you like to
sing in
the choir is if they
let you sing your song!

...You do not tithe because
you say,
"the preacher might be
crooked and steal the Lord's
money, so
I don't want to give it to him".

...After you've done wrong and
someone
has rebuked you, you
don't repent but say, "Well
the Lord
knows my heart."

...You have ever said, "show
me in the
Bible where it says,
thou shall not smoke".

...Your favorite part of the
service
is the benediction!

...Your pickup line to all the
single
women in church is
"the Bible says, greet one
another
with a holy kiss".

...You thought "The Gospel"
was a concert!

...You overheard someone say,
"We got
fed today at service"
and you asked if they served
chicken.

You think "The Trinity" is
a new
female gospel group!

...You just got finished
smoking on
the outside of the
church and then try to lead a
song,
get choked up, holding your throat
and say to the congregation,
"The
devil don't want me to sing this song"!!!

...The only scripture you know
is,
"Jesus wept."

...They stop worship to
announce someone
parked in the pastor's spot
and they are
currently being towed.

...You only come to church on
the Sundays when you have to sing.